"Remember daddy, you have always told us never, ever touch your hand grenades, your inflatable Kim Kardashian Doll, or your attache case." Ted Cruz (R-TX) took aim at the Sesame Street character Elmo after the furry red Muppet monster and his father told children that getting the COVID-19 vaccine is the best way to keep friends. Ted Cruz just had to fly his daughters to Mexico, like, super quick, but now he’s back and ready to get down to business. "No daddy." Came the reply from the two little girls. Donald Trump questions whether Canadian-born Ted Cruz is constitutionally eligible to become president, so Trevor enlists a founding father to settle the mat. 'The Daily Show’ Welcomes Ted Cruz Back From Cancun With Timely Supercut The Comedy Central show is hitting Cruz control. (Getty Images) Ted Cruz has two daughters, Caroline Camille Cruz and Catherine Christiane. Vice President Joe Biden (R) in the Old Senate Chamber at the U.S. While down in the Land of Ole! Ole! Ole! "Dracula" was apprehended by Tijuana Police Detectives and after searching his pink attache case, they found a total of 183 opioid pills.Ĭruz reportedly sternly asked his two daughters if they knew how all of those damn pills got into his attache case. Ted Cruz (R-TX) (L) participates in a reenacted swearing-in with his wife Heidi Nelson Cruz, daughters Caroline and Catherine, and U.S. This time Cruz, who is still shivering from nearly getting his Cuban ass kicked by popular Texas native son Beto O'Rourke, said that he went to Tijuana to see about purchasing a bullfight bull for his sweet, little, daughters who love eating tacos, enchiladas, pizza, vichyssoise, tamales, and Big Macs. and the first woman to present Comedy Central Presents in Africa. Cruz has a history for tucking his tail between his legs and going down to Mexico, to escape getting his hairdo blow all over the fucking place by category 5 winds. Cruz has a history for tucking his tail between his legs and going down to Mexico, to escape getting his hairdo blow all over the fucking place by category 5 winds. Angie writes to her daughter Kira about being the bad cop and not trying to win the. TIJUANA, Mexico - (Satire News) - Ted 'Dracula' Cruz fled the US once again (with his two semi-cute daughters in tow) to avoid the fierce 158 MPH winds of Hurricane Cinderella.